Hi, my name is Jackson D. Kurts, I'm the residing CWO at an Authority site. Won't tell you which one- because that of all things is confidential.
The story i'm about to tell you is one that happened over the course of about half a year, and is among the most bizarre I've ever seen. This is the one and only account of it that was allowed to survive- all other documentations have been destroyed, and it's been left to my digression what happens to this story.
it all started, when the lights went out in the cafeteria on September 5th, 1993…
There was an odd silence that hung in the air of the cafeteria as the lights went out. There were three main lines of thought inside the Cafeteria:
The Security Guards thought "Did someone cut the power?!"
The Scientists thought "Did the Generator malfunction? did something break out of containment?"
The Chefs thought "Was my chili really that bad?"
The power was out, and nobody knew why. Normally, the emergency lights would kick on, letting everyone know that some shit was really going down- but no, there were no bright red flashing lights, no automatic response over the intercom urging everyone to leave the cafeteria and take their cyanide capsules or whatever the fuck it is we do again. A Security Guard reached through the darkness until he found one of the heavy cafeteria doors. He opened it, to find that the lights were on outside. Several other people throughout the room felt around until they found one of the three doors on each wall of the room, to find that yes indeed, the power was on outside. This baffled everyone in the Cafeteria, and this odd occurrence was reported to the containment division who were in charge of maintenance on the many electronics throughout the building.
It took a little bit, but eventually a Containment Division electrician was sent into the Cafeteria to check on all the various electrical connections and report back with any of his findings. Later that day, the lights in the cafeteria were back on and functioning as normal. The Site Director called for that electrician to give a full report on what he found.
I showed up in the cafeteria at 0900, tool kit in hand, ready to clean up whatever applesauce someone spilled on the light switch. To my surprise, when I checked the light switch wiring, they were perfectly fine, Seems like they were replaced rather recently, actually. My next instinct was to check the circuit breaker just to make sure (That took about an hour, I had to use every gosh-darn ID Card that I had in my possession, along with a retina scan, a hand Scan, i'm surprised they didn't ask me for a goddamn semen sample) and found that the circuit breaker was perfectly fine too. So, I figured I'd have to go UP into the ceiling and check the wiring of the lights themselves.
What I found was… Interesting, to say the least.
I found that the first light had a weird thingamajigger attached to the wires just after they exit the switch-loop, After some quick examination it seems like it was a mutilated rat with scrap electronic parts sewn into it, interlaced with the wire. I was baffled, but from what I can surmise, I think it was a makeshift device made to cause an overload in electricity of any given device. I checked the other three lights and found similar contraptions. It seems like they were all remote controlled.
I don't know what the fuck is going on in our facility, but whatever it is, shit's fucked.
— Signed, Petty Officer Schwartz
Odd, right?
Well, it gets weirder from there. 2 months later, there was a severe… lossage of pens.
Like, a mass disappearance of pens.
The shipment of standard supplies was meant to contain 938 pens, which is a comparatively small amount for our facility. Y'know how many were in the shipment that arrived?
8.
8 pens.
This, of course, raised a lot of questions in the facility. Who took the pens? Why did they take the pens? Is this some weird Malthus espionage tactic? maybe the Children of Nihil are getting creative with their psych-ops. Either way, there was a severe shortage of pens. Over the next few months, a lot of different weird shit happened.
There was a cat found in the lower levels inside one of the Generator rooms. There's only one vent (that was bolted shut) and the Door, which is locked to everyone who doesn't have at least level 5 clearance. It's even weirder considering that no one in the facility owns a cat- Pets aren't even allowed in the facility.
Researcher Johnson reported smoke coming from one of the vents in his personal quarters. When a security guard was sent in to check, they saw nothing. They reported that it smells like burnt plastic, which warranted a check by an electrician to check the wiring. They did find a bag of powder, when chemical tested, it was revealed to be Ketamine. We are going to drug test all of our staff and figure out who it belonged to.
So, we finally heard something walking around inside the ventilation shafts. Security guards were alerted immediately, and they followed the walking around until it stopped in front of a ventilation shaft opening.
They found a Chimpanzee.
A docile Chimpanzee at that.
It was wearing a diaper and ray bands. It was clean, healthy, and seemingly trained. It moved around the facility rather well, opening doors, not making a mess of things, and overall being just a curious but nice chimp.
We have no clue how to explain this.
Our morning announcements cut out, interrupted by static, a loud squeak, and then a man shouting:
"GABBY GABBY GABBY! WINGLO WINGLO! BOOGABOOGABOOGA! YOU'RE ALL GOOD PEOPLE!", and then, it stopped.
We have no clue how to explain this, either.
The cameras went out in the middle of the night inside the Commons area. Three guards were sent to investigate about an hour later when the night watch finally noticed something was awry. They found that the cameras had been hit with darts made of Rat spines, but that wasn't all. On the wall, there was spray paint:
"WHY DID THE PRESIDENT SHOOT THE MEXICAN?"
"FOBRICK"
We have no fucking clue what that means.
There was a large box left at Head security chief Dwight's office door. It was promptly scanned for narcotics or explosives before he opened it. When he did, he found that it contained all the pens that had gone missing from the last shipment, all 930 of them! attached to the box was a note:
"Sorry for causing so much trouble, i'll make up for it in due time. Love, Bagingy"
So, this all culminated in the Site Director, James Capri, having an encounter with the man in the vents.
So, there I was, it was a normal day. I had got into my office at the start of the day as normal. Booted up my computer, made all the retina scans, all the hand scans, all
the passwords, all the formalities of a normal day; Responded to a few emails, gave a few signatures on some paper work, normal shit, same shit different day, right?
Well, after I had gotten most of my morning work out of the way, I decided to go to the break room to grab some coffee, black as the heart of bureaucracy, of course.
I get back in my room, open the door, when behind me someone says hello. I turn around to see my desk assistant, Katie, handing me some of the paper work that was
given to her by one of the head security guards, I had to give a few signatures here and there for formality sake. I thanked her and stepped back into my office and shut
the door.
As soon as I turned around, I dropped my coffee and my paperwork and jumped out of my skin when I saw a man sitting on my desk. Where do I even start with this guy > oh boy…
Standing at a towering 6'8", he was enormous, wearing a black tank top with an image of Stalin holding Hitler in a sleeper hold no less, he also wore Black cargo pants,
and an Arctic camouflage balaclava. His body was bulky- built like the Berlin wall, and about as big, he stood in front of my desk with his arms crossed. He could've easily
weighed 400 lbs.
Anyway, as I took in his appearance, he smiled at me.
"James! Ah, how good it is to see you! I've been meaning to talk to you for so long!". he said in a thick, almost cheesy Russian accent. I had a whirlwind of questions
spinning in my head.
"H-How did you get into my office?" I managed to stutter out, now leaning against the wall. He pulled out a comically large joint and a bright pink zippo out of his pocket as > he Gestured to the vent on the wall as he lit the joint. The vent was wide open.
"Getting into this place was the easy part. You're not very well hidden.". I gave him what must've been a puzzled look because he laughed.
"C'mon, a Salon in the middle of Nebraska? The ventilation shaft is right there, not to mention that the GPR was able to see right through any disguises you guys set up"
I gave him an even more puzzled look.
"…What?"
He waved his hand as if to wave away any of the previous conversation.
"Some shit that I borrowed from the Israelis, never mind it, we have more pressing matters"
I was utterly confused and very, very scared. I couldn't move for fear that he might attack me.
"Who are you?" I said, a little louder this time. He laughed.
"I'm a friend. Call me Bagingy" he took another puff of his joint.
"Come, sit down my friend, we have very important things to talk about" He gestured to the chair. I wasn't moving at first, until he frowned. He clicked his tongue and
spoke:
"Shooboo! Get out here!" and as he said this, the Chimpanzee that we had found wandering the ventilation shafts came walking out of the ventilation shaft on the wall
carrying a Remington Shotgun which I recognized from our armory. The chimp pointed the gun at me and gestured towards the chair on the other end of the room.
Obviously I obeyed and went and sat in the chair, right across from Bagingy, He offered be a joint that he had in his pocket, I shook my head, still shaking. The
chimpanzee, or, "Shooboo" sat in my chair right behind Bagingy. Bagingy handed him the joint, and lit it for him.
As I was confronted with this bizzare image, I started to wonder if I had gone insane, but my thoughts were cut off by Bagingy speaking:
"So, for starters, you guys are shit at hiding your facilities from anyone who's even moderately interested in finding you guys, but, we've discussed that, so let's move on. > My second qualm with you people is that you're so… Clueless. So fucking clueless. It's ironic in a beautiful kind of way"
My fear was almost overshadowed by my feelings of confusion and curiosity.
"What do you mean?"
Bagingy took another puff and blew the smoke away from me. At least he was polite.
"You see, RPC as a concept is a fantastic example of the Human condition. I support what you're doing, but, you just don't quite understand what you're doing. Let me put > it like this-" He got up and began pacing around the room.
"The RPC Authority is tampering in matters that they don't quite understand. Not only are the facing the evil that lies within man's heart, but also the evil that lies within
the universe, the evil that lies within the world and the inherently anti-human nature of everything. For crying out loud, you can't defend against espionage- That's already > been made clear at the Site-014 incident-" I finally interrupted his lecture, not even turning around to look at him, focusing on the chimp with the shotgun and the join
sitting in my chair.
"Hold on, Hold on, Who are you to tell me that we're tampering in matters we don't understand? and How do you know about site-014?" As I finished, I felt his hand on the > collar of my shirt throw me and my chair backwards. I bounced my head off the ground which made my world spin as he grabbed my by the shirt and pulled me close to his > face. A fire burned within his eyes, a fire i've never seen in any other man's eyes.
"You don't think it'd be easy for me to figure out what the fuck you all have been doing? You guys are the biggest blip on the map for people like me. There are groups of
people out there that know about RPC without the RPC knowing about them; you dumb fuck."
He grabbed the bottom of his ski mask and lifted it up just enough to reveal his neck, where a large and deep scar crossed from jugular to jugular. He pulled it back down
and stared into my eyes, with anger.
"You don't have a clue what's really going on"
He let go of me, and clicked his tongue before disappearing into the vent, the Chimpanzee following close behind.
"Good luck, James. Namaste!" he said, just before he disappeared.
