Grammer's sandbox

[[tab Tsuchinoko]]

Innocence and joy. An unexpected source of comfort and support.

1 cute - big shiny beady eyes and wide smile
2 fat - will voice unamusement if pointed out
3 happy - raises half of body and bobs head as a sign of happiness
4 zoops - despite fat appearance is capable of speeding away at the first sign of danger at ███km/h
5 harmless - will not bite even when agitated
6 friendly - very affectionate in exchange for boops
7 impossible to contain - frequently vanishes from cage to appear on staff/within staff pockets.
8 materializes bizarre items, ranging from food (such as a commercially produced packet of pinkies) to eat/drink from, or miniature tailored clothing to wear (such as a labcoat and conforming glasses).

Registered Phenomena Code: ???


Object Class: Gamma-White

Hazards: Emotional Hazard, Sentient Sapient Sentient Questionably-Sapient Hazard, Teleportation Hazard

Containment Protocols: As RPC-? effortlessly breaches all attempts at containment, it is best contained by simply being convinced to remain within Site-089. RPC-? can be assigned to a handler of the day1 who will either occupy its time with enrichment activities, or allow it to accompany said handler as long as it does not interfere with daily duties. No severe/escalating forms of forced containment is to be performed on the possibility that it may drive RPC-? away from staying in, or returning to Site-089.

RPC-? has been fitted with a pet collar containing a global tracker. Its locations are to be triangulated and investigated as potential areas of interest whenever it leaves Site-089. Whenever RPC-? returns from another period of absence, it is to be reminded of the need for its help and companionship in a friendly and non-reprimanding tone.

A cage with a mild heating element has been set up within Site-089's recreation room. Whether the cage door is locked or kept open is irrelevant due to RPC-?'s teleportation/deformation capabilities. Staff are reminded to maintain vigilance over their own meals while RPC-? is close by unless they wish to experience the abrupt disappearance of their meat portions. Staff are reminded that RPC-? materializes its own sustenance, and hence should not be fed at the cafeteria so as not to encourage bad behavior.

Description: RPC-??? is a carnivorous reptile of the Serpentes suborder, matching the physical descriptions of a Japanese mythological creature commonly referred to as the "Tsuchinoko" (ツチノコ, lit. Child of Dirt). RPC-??? features an unusually rotund length-to-girth ratio, possessing an overall length of 45cm with a body girth of 12.5cm (expands to 15cm post-feeding), the body sharply narrowing to form a thin and prehensile tail of 10cm. RPC-??? has brown scales with three round ovals of darker brown colouration running along its back and a cream belly. Although a snake, it shows various outlier traits such as functional eyelids and lacrimal glands that allow it to display advanced distress in the form of crying.

RPC-? presents a friendly and affectionate disposition with an intelligence roughly comparable to a parrot. RPC-? is capable of utilizing a limited vocabulary and vocalizations towards expressing happiness, confusion, unamusement or distress, and actively seeks to interact with nearby sapient beings for attention. RPC-? displays notable amounts of empathy, and prioritizes approaching depressed or PTSD-suffering individuals in a bid to give affection. RPC-??? possesses a mildly gluttonous personality that will cause it to follow staff bearing food2 and repeatedly beg for portions, or swallow unobserved food whole.

Despite its rotund appearance, RPC-? is highly mobile and agile. It is capable of bursts of speed of up to ██km/h and able to jump █ meters in height. It can also adhere onto various objects and personnel via an anomalous mechanism similar to van der Waals force, allowing it to attach to personnel in impractical positions (such as the top of the head) that would otherwise result in it falling off. Should it perceive danger, RPC-??? will emit a worried vocalization and either avoid the area of distress or flee in the opposite direction.

RPC-? appears highly resistant to damage, featuring an elastic body deformable to cartoonish proportions. In a series of accidents and experiments, RPC-? has been: squashed, kneaded, stretched, flattened, compressed, stepped on, sat on, fallen on and various other actions. Despite these sustained shapes it merely voices displeasure as it slowly reverts to its original dimensions.

Most notable is RPC-?'s teleportation capability; it commonly chooses to manifest this by entering crevices, openings or pockets, creating a "squeezing" sound then manifesting elsewhere through another crevice, opening or pocket. Barring any lack of such openings, RPC-? can also choose to abruptly vanish where it sits. RPC-? also uses this ability to keep itself fed and hydrated; it is sometimes observed eating and drinking from packages of infant rodents or small containers of water. These goods appear to originate from RPC-?'s dimension of origin (LoI-?), corroborating with footage produced by a remote camera strapped to RPC-?.

Discovery log: The Authority's Verification Department investigated discussions of a "very short talking snake with a photo" on an international herpetology forum, including videos, pictures and interactions with it. While several witnesses describe easily trapping or picking up the anomalous creature due to its friendly nature, these reports would always end with its disappearance while in captivity. Japanese forum posters were noted to react particularly strongly within the thread, claiming the creature bears similarities to the fabled Tsuchinoko.


The forum thread in question. The latest reply was by a Japanese herpetologist speculating causes of RPC-? being in Europe, strongly urging it to be sent back to Japan for further study and conservation.

While the forum thread was shut down under pretense of being a hoax, Authority agents traveled to Einbeck (Germany) where the entity was last sighted. RPC-? was found with a scarf wrapped around its neck and a bindle threaded through the cloth, approaching every human encountered for help. RPC-? presents a family photograph to the agents, strongly implying a desire to seek out the PoIs depicted within the picture.

RPC-? was picked up by hand and obtained without effort. Within the transportation van, RPC-? somehow made its way from the rear compartment into the lap of the agents at the front seat. It was assumed that RPC-? squeezed into front compartment through a gap, although how it opened and exited the containment cage remained unexplained at the time. An attempt to interview RPC-? upon arrival at Site-? was swiftly abandoned given its limited understanding and vocabulary.

RPC-? appeared to react with elation when informed that the PoIs featured within the picture are being tracked. When asked to describe the scenario that led to its predicament, RPC-? requested a drawing implement and was provided a pen. Having difficulty in using the pen, it attempts to draw crayons as a further request. Once provided a set of crayons and paper, it proceeds to make a sequence of crude drawings:

1) A cartoonish caricature of the photograph: A couple with 4 unusual children, accompanied by snakes of all lengths, shapes and sizes. RPC-? is clearly depicted in the center, cradled in the joined arms of PoI-1 and PoI-2. The rattlesnake is drawn with accentuated angry eyebrows.
2) RPC-? happily emerges out of a mousehole, presumably for another day of activities with the family.
3) RPC-? makes its way around the household. It produces a speech bubble with question mark. Cobwebs are strung along the corridor
4) RPC-? comes across the family photo laying on the floor. It is dusted over.
4) RPC-? looks down and drips tears as fellow RPC-?s surround it and put their tails on its back in solidarity.
5) RPC-? looks back while standing before a sunset, wearing the scarf and bindle and holding the photo in its mouth, beginning its journey to look for the PoIs.

The search for PoIs 1 to 6 continues, as well as that of the anomalous reptilians and giraffe. No success has been made so far.

Containment attempts:

Letter found nestled in RPC-?'s cage, believed written by PoI-1:


This farewell message is probably a bit too complicated for your sweet innocent mind to comprehend, but knowing that you'll try anyway and get happy at seeing my handwriting brings me some peace.

I'm broken. So much of it all was for nothing in the end. She loved me, but…

Who really was in the right and the wrong? Should I have waited another five years in hopes that she'd finally overcome her crippling insecurities to see the one she loved? Or was I too impatient?

Part of me is still angry at her. Part of me wants to hate her for leading me on for so long. But in the end, I can't even bring myself to do just that.

The laughs we shared, the arguments we had… All of that was real. It really wasn't a lie. I only need to see your bright beady eyes and big wide smile to know it wasn't all for nothing in the end.

I know you want to find her and bring us back together. The chances of that are slim, to say the least. I don't think you'll ever succeed, and honestly? That's fine. But, hope beyond hope, if you somehow manage to pull it off… I'll never forget what you've done. Ever.

Thank you (and all the others) for all the laughs and smiles that you've brought us in those better years.

I hope you find a new family; other hearts to mend, new smiles to make, new laughter to be had.

Shine on in your adventures, you sweet little snake.

When asked about it, expresses confusion followed by happiness at seeing the letter.

It wasn't your fault, never was

You were the best thing that ever happened to us

We'll always love you no matter what

We all hope to see you again one day, little buddy

All of us, together again.


Hi Tsuchi,

I'm glad you take the time to check on us all. Things may never be the same again, but I just hope things are getting better.

You're a little snake with a big heart, and that heart is better shared with many others across the world wherever you may go.

Laughs and smiles, Tsuchi. Laughs and smiles. You'll make things a little better wherever you may go, I'm sure of it.

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